What if?

What if I finish off my trip in Australia, make it back to Canada, and don't know what next step to take? That would be some cruel joke, Life. Over the next year or so, I'm hoping to find the career that I want to put my focus and energy into. Live up to some sort of potential. The other curiosity is.. will I find a man? Will he find me? Both are real and exciting possibilities! The ideal outcome is that I find both - a man who can work with me and be with me. Limbo zone can be tiring - never knowing when the next change or ounce of inspiration is going to come along. At least I have a vision - even though it's vague.. err, completely unclear. So, worst case, what if I find neither? Nothing happens, I suppose. And perhaps I'm just over thinking it? But, I think at least pondering the future you can start building your path and planting ideas in the universe's mind.

I feel my life is consumed by the anticipation of this trip. This is not a bad thing; a normal thing perhaps? I'm starting to think thing's like "Wow I'm so concerned about just GETTING there, I'm not thinking about what I'm really leaving behind. Like, my Dad, Michele, my good friends, the horses. And lets not talk about Jazzy. I do try and capitalize my time with her and I'm bringing her toy octopus to Oz with me for when I'm really missing her. With that said, over the next 19 days I'm going to have to make a conscious effort to do more stuff with the special people.

But isn't this a normal feeling? I ask about "this" like I expect you to know what I'm feeling right now if you were here in my body - what would you think? Knowing something new and completely different is coming up puts a different spin on your day to day life. Makes the unbearable a little more bearable, the enjoyable a little more enjoyable. For instance, the potential carpel tunnel that may be just starting to bud in my right wrist. Guess being a cashier just isn't for me... or I need to do more wrist exercises. I do see that this all seems so irrelevant in the big picture - this angst, excitement, worry, nervousness. Mind you, I did say my motto for this trip was "over prepare then go with the flow". My Mum probably had similar feelings 30+ years ago when she moved alone to Canada from England. I now have her St. Christopher pendant, (Patron Saint of traveling) passed along to me from my cousin Ellie, whom my Mum gave it to when Ellie went to Australia with a friend for a year. So awesome.

I've met a lot of people here in Grand Forks through friends of friends of friends, and my various jobs. It will be interesting to see who I stay connected with and who fades away. Next on the agenda... sort out bank stuff with getting my money there the cheapest, continue packing/cleaning/packing/cleaning, and enjoy every moment in this little town of Grand Forks with big awesome people!