Feel

I said goodbye to Andrew today. I knew this would be the hardest off
all of the goodbyes, but you can't fully prepare for the moments. He
is such a special man. Over the past weeks I've been trying to prepare
myself for this day in the hopes of making it less painful and more
matter of fact. But of course, it's near impossible to be matter of
fact about leaving a loved one. I wrote him a letter a few weeks ago
telling him how great he is and trying to give myself closure and to
ease the pain of our final goodbye. I suppose it helped over the past
few weeks but had no effect today. Today I felt heart ache. Heart
break. The kind of feeling you only feel when you are losing someone
close to your heart. I don't know if I've ever felt the feeling
before, but I made mental note of it in the hopes of never forgetting
something so precious. The best way I can describe it is that it feels
like a bird is in your chest trying to open and spread it's wings but
only getting half way, trying over and over to open it's wings fully.

I now sit on the bus with my patient dog Jasmine heading back to
Barrie for one last night with Katie and Willow, then head to the
airport tomorrow morning for about 730. Yikes!!! I am feeling
confident and comforable in my decision now but a few hours ago when
saying my goodbyes to Andrew I was clouded with thoughts and feelings
like "holy crap what am I doing??" My move is fairly major in the
course of my life, but I still believe it's the right thing. I sit
here still sad to be leaving what I have built over the past 8yrs, but
hopeful and excited for the next few years of my life. Here's hoping!!!

Nicola Henderson