2010
Having just gotten back from Ottawa helping Andrew install a couple displays, I sit here while he naps pondering my near future. Jesse, we ought to be ashamed of ourselves - Dec 1 was last post!! If not for Danielle bugging me to write in the blog again you all might not have had the pleasure of knowing my thoughts and feelings at this current moment. Lucky you.
I have lived in Toronto since March 23rd 2009. I moved here on a whim - was leaving the house Katie G and I had in Woodbridge and going out on my own. It's been alright - I know that I really love living surrounded by all MY own things (since there is no "our") - something I've never felt before. Makes you feel more at home. But alas, work has been dodgy to say the least, and my self motivation is questionable. I am moving to Barrie to live with one of my special lady friends, Katie Kirk. She is lovely, adorable, hard working, positive, funny, outgoing, and motivated. These are allllllll good things for me to be around as I need some schooling on most of these, these days. Not to mention, most of my good friends live in Barrie. My pup and her pup will also have great play times together and tire each other out, so this is a great fit. It was either moving in with Katie or moving in with Andrew... however, Andrew's work is also questionable right now etc so that is not going to work out. Barrie ahoy! I'll be saving money so that I can actually travel in this lifetime. Where, when, and how long is TBD. Jasmine will most likely be going to stay on the farm while I travel so she can eat horse shit, chew sheep feet, and frolic and fight with her Jack Russel buddy Maggie.
Last fall, I was saying "I give myself 4mths to figure out what I want to do over the next couple years of my life" so I would try and have SOME direction. I suppose I have found that now that I have written it, because I have decided to move to have less expenses and save more money to then travel with. Will I ever travel? I fear I'll never stop. But I'll need to have a constant source of money to travel with and that will put a damper on my continuous travels. Blah blah blah money money money travel money travel travel dog travel money. Where does husband and baby fit in there? Yes, I have finally decided I want to have kids. Sweet. I'm 25 guys - not getting any younger!!!
I'm ranting. Without logic. That's what my mind feels like. I'm mostly kinda down about my situation right now, and what makes it worse is that I'm not exactly working hard to do much about it. I've taken up poker more seriously, but that's not something I can count on. That's kinda like my only shining star right now. I've been a pretty big bum the last month not working and all, so my Monday night poker is all I have to look forward to. Still ranting. I think this is what I have to say:
I'm scared to travel.
I'm scared I'll never figure out what I'm destined to do in this life.
I'm scared I'll never be happy enough.
I'm scared to not find my soul mate.
I'm scared because I eat too much sugar and I might get diabetes - not that there's a family history I'm just a bit paranoid. Jesse, you should school me on this.
I'm scared that if I cancel Jasmine's vet insurance she'll get poked in the eye or something and I won't be able to afford getting her fixed up.
I'm scared of failing.
I'm scared that I'll always have to worry about money.
We only have one life to live. We are one of 6 billion on this planet. One can make a difference, if only a difference to the people around you. I know that life tests you and throws curve balls, but it's just so hard to know how to move forward - to make the decision that will have the fewest consequences and lead to the greatest happiness. Are those astrologists and palm readers right? Or do you just disregard what they say and live your life how you want to? Ha..
I've been asking the Universe for a sign - something to tell me or show me what direction I need to take in this life for me to be the happiest me possible. I'm just really hoping that traveling will help me figure this out. Gordon says that the best time to travel is when you're at a cross roads, because the new experiences are the quickest way to get you outta that rut and onto the right path. God I hope so.
I have lived in Toronto since March 23rd 2009. I moved here on a whim - was leaving the house Katie G and I had in Woodbridge and going out on my own. It's been alright - I know that I really love living surrounded by all MY own things (since there is no "our") - something I've never felt before. Makes you feel more at home. But alas, work has been dodgy to say the least, and my self motivation is questionable. I am moving to Barrie to live with one of my special lady friends, Katie Kirk. She is lovely, adorable, hard working, positive, funny, outgoing, and motivated. These are allllllll good things for me to be around as I need some schooling on most of these, these days. Not to mention, most of my good friends live in Barrie. My pup and her pup will also have great play times together and tire each other out, so this is a great fit. It was either moving in with Katie or moving in with Andrew... however, Andrew's work is also questionable right now etc so that is not going to work out. Barrie ahoy! I'll be saving money so that I can actually travel in this lifetime. Where, when, and how long is TBD. Jasmine will most likely be going to stay on the farm while I travel so she can eat horse shit, chew sheep feet, and frolic and fight with her Jack Russel buddy Maggie.
Last fall, I was saying "I give myself 4mths to figure out what I want to do over the next couple years of my life" so I would try and have SOME direction. I suppose I have found that now that I have written it, because I have decided to move to have less expenses and save more money to then travel with. Will I ever travel? I fear I'll never stop. But I'll need to have a constant source of money to travel with and that will put a damper on my continuous travels. Blah blah blah money money money travel money travel travel dog travel money. Where does husband and baby fit in there? Yes, I have finally decided I want to have kids. Sweet. I'm 25 guys - not getting any younger!!!
I'm ranting. Without logic. That's what my mind feels like. I'm mostly kinda down about my situation right now, and what makes it worse is that I'm not exactly working hard to do much about it. I've taken up poker more seriously, but that's not something I can count on. That's kinda like my only shining star right now. I've been a pretty big bum the last month not working and all, so my Monday night poker is all I have to look forward to. Still ranting. I think this is what I have to say:
I'm scared to travel.
I'm scared I'll never figure out what I'm destined to do in this life.
I'm scared I'll never be happy enough.
I'm scared to not find my soul mate.
I'm scared because I eat too much sugar and I might get diabetes - not that there's a family history I'm just a bit paranoid. Jesse, you should school me on this.
I'm scared that if I cancel Jasmine's vet insurance she'll get poked in the eye or something and I won't be able to afford getting her fixed up.
I'm scared of failing.
I'm scared that I'll always have to worry about money.
We only have one life to live. We are one of 6 billion on this planet. One can make a difference, if only a difference to the people around you. I know that life tests you and throws curve balls, but it's just so hard to know how to move forward - to make the decision that will have the fewest consequences and lead to the greatest happiness. Are those astrologists and palm readers right? Or do you just disregard what they say and live your life how you want to? Ha..
I've been asking the Universe for a sign - something to tell me or show me what direction I need to take in this life for me to be the happiest me possible. I'm just really hoping that traveling will help me figure this out. Gordon says that the best time to travel is when you're at a cross roads, because the new experiences are the quickest way to get you outta that rut and onto the right path. God I hope so.
Yes, ashamed I am! Thanks for ressurecting PS.
ReplyDeleteThat is great news about moving to Barrie. It will give you a little breathing room financially which will probably feel amazing.
One of the hardships of modern life is finding the resources to accomplish everything we want in life. Travel, house, school, kids, possessions.... and then there is the whole issue of time. I know I struggle with it, as do 99% of other people.
The plam readers/psychics may not necessarily be exactly right about their predictions for our futures. I wish they were, because how easy/awesome would that be?
Instead, I honestly think that they have a talent that provides us with little more than food for thought. In other words, psychics provide us with a vision of ourselves on which we must ponder- reflect on that possible "future self" and see if it aligns with what your heart desires. It helps clarify our values. After which we can prioritze the limited resources we have and funnel them towards those things we hold close to us (travel! a new couch! school!).
Anyway.... I think you rock and will accomplish whatever it is the universe needs of you. Plus, poker is BA!!
Thanks Jesse... What's BA?
ReplyDeletetext slang for BAD ASS!
ReplyDelete